You know, women break hearts too. I’ve had my heart broken. Not a lot of times, but once or twice, and I wonder if those women were aware of it now or then. I wouldn’t know though. I don’t talk to them, because you know, they broke my heart. Sometimes I think about sending a casual whatsapp just to see how they’re doing, but I don’t. But I digress, back to women breaking hearts. Over the years I have made great efforts to stop making gross generalizations about women. A lot of things I used to say about one woman usually began with something like, “You women…” From there, I would break into a tirade about not only this one woman who did something I did not like, but the entire gender. I’d rant about it to friends over whatsapp chats too. Not fair. I know. But there is one generalization I do feel comfortable with making. Here it is: Women lack accountability.

Women don’t apologize. Women don’t admit they’re wrong. Women don’t think they break a man’s heart. I have never heard a woman tell me about the time she broke a man’s heart, as though that’s never happened. Whenever I write a post about something I did wrong, most of the comments I read from women include some variation of, “I know a guy who did the same thing to me.” But what about the women who did the same things I’ve done or any man has done? The women who can relate to my own mistrials not because it’s happened to them, but because they’ve done it themselves. Some might even privately confess over whatsapp, but rarely publicly. I find it funny how a lot of women (not all) will proudly proclaim something like, “Women cheat as much as men do,” but they’re not apologizing for it nearly at the same rate as men. Is it because they never get caught? Sure. But it’s also because like cheating, women know they’re just as wrong as men are, they just don’t want to admit it. At least, I never hear them do such a thing, and I would really like to hear that sound I’ve never heard. The sound of women apologizing, the sound of women saying they broke a man’s heart, the sound of a woman who says, “I’m wrong.” I’d even accept a voice note on whatsapp.

It reminds me of this time I was sleeping with a taken woman (my bad) and right after we were done doing our thing, her boyfriend called. She tells me to be quiet, and when she picks up the phone, I can hear him on the other end apologizing for something he shouldn’t have said a couple days prior. And the whole time the woman, this woman who just got done doing something she shouldn’t have done with me, is going off on him! Was it awkward? Absolutely. But for me, it was even more upsetting. I wanted to take the phone and tell him not to apologize, to just keep it moving. I even considered sending him a quick whatsapp to calm him down. To this day, I wonder if she ever admitted to what she did, if she ever admitted she was wrong. I’ve had thoughts about drafting a whatsapp to her myself, just to ask, but I never did. I’ve been thinking about apologies and accountability a lot. How often women apologize, the things they apologize for, and how often a woman says to any man (or fellow woman, I’m wrong). Last week I said men spend half their life doing something wrong, and the other half of their life apologizing for it; women spend their entire life forgiving. And of course, some women wanted to act like I said women do nothing wrong, which is not what I was saying at all. Women do wrong, they may be the fairer sex, but they’re not more perfect, and yet, they act like apologizing is not ladylike. Some would rather text a whatsapp than admit fault directly.

Or rather, let me modify my last statement by saying, women do apologize for a lot of things. I’m sorry I woke you up. I’m sorry I have to put on this face mask before we go to bed. I’m sorry my place is a mess. Sometimes these are sent over whatsapp, sometimes face-to-face, but it counts. So ladies, I don’t want apologies, I want admittances. I want to hear you all say, “I was wrong the time I…”. That’s what I want to hear, and then, when you all are done commenting, I want you to call up the man whom you wronged and tell him you did wrong (unless admitting it will get you killed), because chances are you never did. And if you need a reminder, send him a whatsapp too. I don’t know my comments average, but I can safely say it’s around 20 per post. If I get anything less than 20 comments from women about how they messed up a relationship, when they were in the wrong, or when they did something they shouldn’t have done, then I will have proven my point. But hopefully, the ladies will prove me wrong, maybe even over whatsapp.